The more I look at blocks in creativity the more I appreciate that they also apply to daily life, and are not just limited to the creative or artistic. How many people are enduring the seemingly relentless question of “I know I’m here to do something – what on earth is it?”?
I’m not talking about the middle-aged response to walking into a room with something in your hand, completely unrelated to the room you have found yourself in (I call it “slipper in the fridge” syndrome). I’m talking about that inner drive, that sense of frustration that what you are doing with your life isn’t quite your thing, your destiny or your calling. That space close to your heart which gets tickled sometimes, and yet waits to be filled, or fulfilled. It’s frustrating not knowing what “it” is.
Hands up everyone who has asked themselves the question, “Who am I?”. I started this one at the tender age of 11 and tied myself up in some pretty regal knots (only reaching the “this is futile” phase in my early 20’s). In all my searching this question has remained; who the heck am I? Once I’d got beyond the physical “whats” of me (short, curly-haired, fun-loving – sounding like a dating ad now), I began to flail. Am I any more than the emotional responses I have? Am I my work? Am I a physical manifestation of the Creator (and if I am, who is that)?
On and on. Persistent. Relentless. Frustrating.
Yesterday revealed something to me which I wish I’d worked out years ago.
How would it be if the “who” of me was completely irrelevant? What if I’d missed the point? What if the point is all about the “how do I express myself to reflect the me-ness of me”?
This frustration I feel when I’m not being creative, whether it’s through procrastination, time constraints or lack of inspiration, does it come from my stemming the flow of me-ness? Am I diminishing myself by avoiding the creative spark that dwells within me – this spark that so wants to shine and say to itself, “This is me. I’m perfect as I am. My existence is enough – I seek no approval.”?
This raises a further question, does the creativity have to be artistic, within the limitations I create (for instance wanting to have my hands in fibre and fabric), or will some other modality still tick the box?
I will be exploring other means of expression, particularly around my home, and see how this tickles my creative spark, this driving force inside me which wants to shine because that is what it does.
I would really like to hear how you express your creativity beyond your chosen medium. You can leave a comment here or Tweet me @rachgreenland (Twitter button to be created soon!). I look forward to your thoughts.